Hi

My grandmother have a type of cancer in her breast, but she can't get quimio because she also has an infection in the foot. The thing is she doesn't want to be treated, she needs some pills to destroy the infection so she can be treated with quimio, but she throw them to the garbage can, because "they are bad for the stomach". In the other day it was programed to go to the hospital to take some blood samples, but she didn't want to go! My father doesn't know what to do. My grandmother is illiterate, she never went to school.

Does anyone know any solution to this? Did this happen to some of your relatives?

Help would be appreciated.

I would suggest to treat her like we did with my own Granmother . Use brute forse . Ensure she takes her pills wile you are watching and escorte her to the Doctor and Hospital and ensure she keeps the appointment . It might sound harsh but by my Granmother it was the only way to make it happen . Best wishes to all of you .

Pedminacar wrote: Hi

My grandmother have a type of cancer in her breast, but she can't get quimio because she also has an infection in the foot. The thing is she doesn't want to be treated, she needs some pills to destroy the infection so she can be treated with quimio, but she throw them to the garbage can, because "they are bad for the stomach". In the other day it was programed to go to the hospital to take some blood samples, but she didn't want to go! My father doesn't know what to do. My grandmother is illiterate, she never went to school.

Does anyone know any solution to this? Did this happen to some of your relatives?

Help would be appreciated.

You could have her legally deemed as not mentally stable to make health decisions and it would be in your parents/family control of her health situation.

Or

You can let her be choose to do what she wants with the rest of her life.

hyldig wrote: I would suggest to treat her like we did with my own Granmother . Use brute forse . Ensure she takes her pills wile you are watching and escorte her to the Doctor and Hospital and ensure she keeps the appointment . It might sound harsh but by my Granmother it was the only way to make it happen . Best wishes to all of you .

Forgot to mention that she doesn't live with me and my parents, she lives in a remote place (she doesn't want to live at my town), so it is very complicated to give her medication without us watching her (my father is the only one that she trusts, but he is working when she needs to take her medicine). She is very, very, very stubborn. I was hoping that someone in this site, had a similar situation, so could help me and my father helping her.

Thanks for your reply!

valerie wrote:

Pedminacar wrote: Hi

My grandmother have a type of cancer in her breast, but she can't get quimio because she also has an infection in the foot. The thing is she doesn't want to be treated, she needs some pills to destroy the infection so she can be treated with quimio, but she throw them to the garbage can, because "they are bad for the stomach". In the other day it was programed to go to the hospital to take some blood samples, but she didn't want to go! My father doesn't know what to do. My grandmother is illiterate, she never went to school.

Does anyone know any solution to this? Did this happen to some of your relatives?

Help would be appreciated.

You could have her legally deemed as not mentally stable to make health decisions and it would be in your parents/family control of her health situation.

Or

You can let her be choose to do what she wants with the rest of her life.

The thing is if we let her do want she wants, it is very likely that she would have to be in a bed 24 hours, very hard for my family monitoring her, since she lives in a remote area (rural area). I don't know if forcing her legally would work, because she refuses to be treated anyway, she doesn't want to go to the hospital. The last year she broke a bone, so she had to stay at hospital, the doctors had to tie her so she couldn't leave the hospital. Don't know if tying her in the hospital to be treated would be legal.

My Granmother was the same way . I was the only 1 she trusted for many years . If your father tries finding someone to watch her and make sure she takes her pills etc , he might be able to convince her that that the person can be trusted as much as him . I found 1 to help me with my Granmother , she didn`t like or trust her the first few days but it changed since she found out I did . It might work if he tells your Granmother the helper tells him everything and he will be very dissapointed if she gives the helper a lot of trouble . That made my Granmother accept the woman I found to help out . It is a very difficoult situation to try to give advice in , but if your father can get someone to be trusted by your Granmother that would be the right way .

hyldig wrote: My Granmother was the same way . I was the only 1 she trusted for many years . If your father tries finding someone to watch her and make sure she takes her pills etc , he might be able to convince her that that the person can be trusted as much as him . I found 1 to help me with my Granmother , she didn`t like or trust her the first few days but it changed since she found out I did . It might work if he tells your Granmother the helper tells him everything and he will be very dissapointed if she gives the helper a lot of trouble . That made my Granmother accept the woman I found to help out . It is a very difficoult situation to try to give advice in , but if your father can get someone to be trusted by your Granmother that would be the right way .

My father's cousin (woman) convinced her to go to hospital, maybe she can be the helper. I'm gonna tell my father that.

Good . Tie her to the hospital bed wile being treated would not be impossible . Talk to the doctors , since she can be treated and you her family wishes it she can be declared mentally unstable and the treatment can be done the harder way to cure her .

Pedminacar wrote:

valerie wrote:

Pedminacar wrote: Hi

My grandmother have a type of cancer in her breast, but she can't get quimio because she also has an infection in the foot. The thing is she doesn't want to be treated, she needs some pills to destroy the infection so she can be treated with quimio, but she throw them to the garbage can, because "they are bad for the stomach". In the other day it was programed to go to the hospital to take some blood samples, but she didn't want to go! My father doesn't know what to do. My grandmother is illiterate, she never went to school.

Does anyone know any solution to this? Did this happen to some of your relatives?

Help would be appreciated.

You could have her legally deemed as not mentally stable to make health decisions and it would be in your parents/family control of her health situation.

Or

You can let her be choose to do what she wants with the rest of her life.

The thing is if we let her do want she wants, it is very likely that she would have to be in a bed 24 hours, very hard for my family monitoring her, since she lives in a remote area (rural area). I don't know if forcing her legally would work, because she refuses to be treated anyway, she doesn't want to go to the hospital. The last year she broke a bone, so she had to stay at hospital, the doctors had to tie her so she couldn't leave the hospital. Don't know if tying her in the hospital to be treated would be legal.

She sounds like Sonya, when she had her stroke they had to tie her down at the hospital, when they put her in the nursing home she gave a few nurses some black eyes so they sent her back home. She refuses to go back to the hospital and she is getting bad off again

There is a saying old age is the worse curse in the life of a human being no one really knows what it is to be in old age its very tough,just put yourself in your grandmothers place and imagine what it is to be in her situation which is also very tough have some respect for her dont force things its better to talk to her and see what goes on in her mind,my mother could see six months before her time came she was fine but there are people who can see time she went with me to the doctor regularly had her medicine as time came closer she too started throwing her medicine in the toilet,I had to talk to her I told her have your medicine and let time take care when the time comes even the medicine wont work so dont throw it she did understand and continued with her medicine its very true when time comes nothing can stop it your family should pay her a visit and talk to her with respect dont force her just try to find out what goes on in her mind that is what is important

I worked in health care most my life.

Elderly people should be treated with respect and as they adult that they are.

There are alternatives. For starters, a home health care aid. Someone that will be there at least a
few hours a day to help with meds and activities. A professional health aid will most likely know how
to communicate with your mother, after you fill in the blanks.

You might be surprised to find that your mother looks forward to the health care aid daily visit.

Your father needs to focus on trying to have his mother make the decisions. It sounds like she is
the type of woman that is set in her ways and does not want to be told what to do. So the last thing
anyone should do, is tell her what to do.

It's very difficult. There are online support groups and forums that are free. You might browse some
of those to see what is working for others in similar situations.

valerie wrote: I worked in health care most my life.

Elderly people should be treated with respect and as they adult that they are.

There are alternatives. For starters, a home health care aid. Someone that will be there at least a
few hours a day to help with meds and activities. A professional health aid will most likely know how
to communicate with your mother, after you fill in the blanks.

You might be surprised to find that your mother looks forward to the health care aid daily visit.

Your father needs to focus on trying to have his mother make the decisions. It sounds like she is
the type of woman that is set in her ways and does not want to be told what to do. So the last thing
anyone should do, is tell her what to do.

It's very difficult. There are online support groups and forums that are free. You might browse some
of those to see what is working for others in similar situations.

nice advice may be because you worked in health and has a kind heart also I am happy that you are back to the forum to assist the members keep going happily

I've been through similar situations with elderly relatives who were not compliant with doctor orders. It was the most frustrating thing in the world to watch loved ones doing things harmful to their health. You really can't force them to do anything. If a relative or health care worker can visit daily to see that she takes her medications, that would be ideal but from personal experience, if they don't want to do it, they're not going to do it.

You do want to make certain your mother is comprehending the situation and is capable of making logical decisions. If not, someone needs to get power of attorney and take over the responsibility for overseeing her health care.

Good luck. I know what you're going through.

Also am very happy to see Valerie back in the forum.

dutch1898 wrote: Also am very happy to see Valerie back in the forum.

I know I was shocked to see her. I was missing her being around.

Communicate with her to see what is on her mind, do it with respect .
In the end, you may not like what her decision is, but have the love and respect to accept it .
Some of these treatments are worse than the disease they are supposed to cure .