My new girlfriend told me I’m terrible in bed.
I don’t think it’s fair to make a judgement like that in less than a minute.

I’m thinking about removing my spine.
I feel like it’s only holding me back.

I used to hate facial hair…
....but then it grew on me

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
“Oops!”

There’s no hole in your shoe?
Then how’d you get your foot in it?

Three fish are in a tank.
One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?

. Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

. If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? – America.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Regards.

Reminds me of Rodney Dangerfield jokes.