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For lost souls ......tasman1

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#1 by tasman1 » Mon Oct 29, 2018 17:07

Hiding the hurt, hiding the pain,
Hiding the tears that fall like rain.
Saying I'm fine when I'm anything but.
This ache in my soul rips at my gut.
My skin is on fire; I burn from within.
The calm on my face is an ongoing sin.
The world must stay out; I've built up a wall.
My fragile lie will collapse should it ever fall.
Loneliness consumes me; it eats away the years
Until my life is swallowed by unending fears.
Waiting for someone to see I wear a mask
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#2 by tasman1 » Mon Oct 29, 2018 17:08

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled,
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night,
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling,
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears,
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying,
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then, I'll keep on smiling,
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here...waiting.
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#3 by tasman1 » Mon Oct 29, 2018 17:11

Depression is running through my head.
These thoughts make me think of death,
A darkness which blanks my mind.
A walk through the graveyard, what can I find?
Black shadows walk in between the graves,
How many lives have not been saved?
Six feet under, if not more,
How I'd like to go down and explore
The feeling of lying in a box.
I can't get out, is it locked?
Is it day or is it night?
Are birds singing or have bats taken to flight?
I know one day this is where I'll go,
Am I afraid? I don't think so!
Will I be able to explore the feeling of death?
After I've taken my last breath?
Or will I be a shadow in between the graves?
Will I know how many lives have not been saved?
After this life is there another one?
With a different moon and a different sun.
I won't go to hell as I'm already there,
A place full of sadness, a place full of despair.
So there's nothing to live for, no future, no past,
So I might as well end it, end this life at last.
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#4 by tasman1 » Mon Oct 29, 2018 17:13

Tears Tears go away
Why must you come back almost every day
You remind me of my pain
You remind me of my past
Why can't you go away
Just let this happiness last

Tears Tears flowing so fast
You're telling the story of a child in the past
She's stuck with the memory of what has just happened
Praying to God, one day she won't be broken

The bruises, the scars
The ones that will never heal
She grew up thinking that's how you need to feel

This little girl
Not sure about life
Cut after cut
Then took her life

Tears Tears come as she leaves this world
"So young, So happy" For all they know
Beaten as a child
Not loved all her life
Backstabbing friends

Oh wait that's my life....
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#5 by tasman1 » Mon Oct 29, 2018 17:22

I am blue
I am black and white altogether
I can tell today is not my day
Not my day
Not even with you
Not my day
I feel trapped like an insect
Under and inside a glass cup
I am the insect and cup altogether
Transparent but unseen
From the inside
No one can hear me
I'd rather that so
I'd rather them not hear me
All the white noise
Clicked off from the world
I shut down
I'm under and inside the cup
Squirming yet staying still
Never moving evermore
I am blue
I am black and **white altogether
I can tell you this
Today is not my day
Even as I write these words
Not my day
The world's noise was clicked off
As I was put under and inside this cup
Not my day
I hate being in and under
Bug in a cup
Not my day....
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#6 by tasman1 » Wed Oct 31, 2018 18:23

She smiles, I cry.
She is outgoing, I am shy.
She loves, I am alone.
She is amazing, I am unknown.


I am sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smile
To hide my feelings behind a lie.


My smile hides my tears.
My laugh hides my screams.
It's been this way for years.
Things aren't as they seem.
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#7 by tasman1 » Fri Nov 02, 2018 00:20

The monsters within ourselves
become our best friends,
when they look at the mirror through our eyes, as you speak in your mind, they nod
in agreement.
Confirming that you aren’t the only one who’s insecure.
A comfort, a beauty and the beast.
A sense of secure


I sit here Alone

And

I ponder

And I wonder

I think

And I drink

I dream

And I scream

I cry

And…I cry
Last edited by tasman1 » Fri Nov 02, 2018 01:47 » edited 1 time in total
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#8 by tasman1 » Tue Nov 06, 2018 02:38

Just a letter

I love you dearly, more than anything in this whole world, I think you already know this. I know you love me too, I just forget sometimes. Depression clouds my mind, it fills me with horrid thoughts about how unlovable I am, and how worthless I am. Sometimes I believe you, sometimes I believe depression.

I know you prefer the good days when I am happy and not anxious or snappy, and I wish I could have these days everyday, but I can’t. I feel the cloud approaching, and it petrifies me. Sometimes I tell you, and sometimes I don’t. Please if you notice the cloud before I tell you just hug me tight and tell me we will fight the cloud together. Please don’t ask me if I am OK, my automatic answer will be yes when in reality it is a big NO. Depression makes you feel ashamed you see.

I know sometimes I overreact to the smallest thing and get angry, but please be patient with me. Forgetting the bread will not be the real reason, feeling like I am losing control over my mind will be the reason. Depression is very clever you see – it builds up a wall of anger piece by piece, and you never notice it until it’s so big it begins to topple over. I am sorry you get the brunt of my anger on cloudy days. Please forgive me. Please. Just tell me you love me and leave me to calm down.
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#9 by Nikorj » Tue Nov 06, 2018 05:20

tasman1 wrote: Just a letter

I love you dearly, more than anything in this whole world, I think you already know this. I know you love me too, I just forget sometimes. Depression clouds my mind, it fills me with horrid thoughts about how unlovable I am, and how worthless I am. Sometimes I believe you, sometimes I believe depression.

I know you prefer the good days when I am happy and not anxious or snappy, and I wish I could have these days everyday, but I can’t. I feel the cloud approaching, and it petrifies me. Sometimes I tell you, and sometimes I don’t. Please if you notice the cloud before I tell you just hug me tight and tell me we will fight the cloud together. Please don’t ask me if I am OK, my automatic answer will be yes when in reality it is a big NO. Depression makes you feel ashamed you see.

I know sometimes I overreact to the smallest thing and get angry, but please be patient with me. Forgetting the bread will not be the real reason, feeling like I am losing control over my mind will be the reason. Depression is very clever you see – it builds up a wall of anger piece by piece, and you never notice it until it’s so big it begins to topple over. I am sorry you get the brunt of my anger on cloudy days. Please forgive me. Please. Just tell me you love me and leave me to calm down.

Ouch that touched me.

This is very fitting for one of my friends, Haven't seen her for 3 years now.
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#10 by tasman1 » Wed Nov 07, 2018 14:57

Gloomy room
immersed in a scent
of modern cowards
filled with
shapeless creatures
sitting in silence
because they have
nothing to say

Fake plastic faces
with a grimace
of disappointment
painted on them

Are we stuck on hold
expecting our turn
in a waiting room
of so-called
lost generation
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#11 by tasman1 » Wed Nov 07, 2018 15:34

To be lost is nothing to fear,
you are just spinning, gliding, flying
into free fall. Waiting
for the moment when your wings
detach from your sides, catch
the wind underneath their feathers
like sails. Then you learn to flow
with the change of the breeze,
learn to find your rhythm
in the wake of change
with each flap, each shift,
each breath.

To be lost is nothing to fear,
for everything that is lost
is on the path to being found.

And you, my darling, have wings.
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#12 by tasman1 » Thu Nov 22, 2018 15:38

Suffocating, she can't catch her breath
Panicking, she grasping for anything to prevent this death
Shrieking, she's screaming in fear
She's afraid of everything that is near
Alone, she's so alone but there are so many people standing in her presence
But amongst them she feels like she's not in existence
No one understands her depression
On the outside they see a very different perception
They look at her ever so lovely smile
Their knees buckle at her laugh they can hear for a mile
Her beauty so strong it makes others so weak
Her hair, her complexion always so sleek
Her radiance just lightens the room
Her presence always in full bloom
You never would have guessed that underneath it all
Is a girl that stands only two inches tall
Sunken in such miserable pain
Anguished her heart is already slain
Her beauty that she can't see
Thoughts swirling that she can't set free
Searching and searching for a way to evade
That's the first time she picked up the blade
Dragging it across her skin with such precision
A rush of relief in this one incision
Again and again, each time feeling a release
At last, a few precious moments of peace
Unable to explain the joy that she feels
She drags the blade over and over with thrill
Addicted she becomes to the freedom she receives
This is the only way she believes
Motivated by those moments she felt
She found her way to deal with the disease she was dealt
Disapproving eyes judge her scars
Not looking past into her memoirs
She doesn't care, she will do it again
Despite being told self harm is a sin
She will cut and cut until it ends
Rather it be the pain or her life that suspends

The moral of the story is do not judge
Look deep down inside her and find the trudge
The long path that lead her to this pivotal place
Try understanding the circumstances that put her in this space
Read her, she's an open book
It's up to you to open the binding and take a look
What are you afraid of, the story you may find?
Or the backlash for not seeing the warning signs?
Step back, take the time, make it right, help her back
Back to a place she deserves to be
Happy, healthy, and set free
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